On Wednesday, March 6, Luke Hansen, CEO of CompanyCam, announced internally that he would be going keto. This news comes as a shock to those who work alongside Hansen, an avid patron of Jimmy Johns and generally unhealthy adult male.
“Honestly, I don’t know if we’ll be able to keep our R Street location in business without his orders. I’m scared I won’t be able to feed my family if I lose this job.”
When asked for comment about how the franchise would handle this loss, Jimmy Johns delivery staff was at a loss for words.
“Honestly, I don’t know if we’ll be able to keep our R Street location in business without his orders,” said an employee who wished to remain anonymous. “I’m scared I won’t be able to feed my family if I lose this job.”
The news sent shockwaves across CompanyCam, sending the #general Slack channel into chaos.
“I already have so much on my plate, making sure people enjoy the lunches we order in, and now what? Do I have to order special keto lunches for my boss? I can’t work my best under these conditions,” said Stephanie Brummond, marketing project manager and member of the party planning committee.
“I already have so much on my plate, making sure people enjoy the lunches we order in, and now what? Do I have to order special keto lunches for my boss? I can’t work my best under these conditions,”
Perhaps the greatest cause for concern across the company as a whole rests on the fact that no one is really sure if Hansen knows what keto is, how it works, and why he’s doing it.
Nick Small, known for his heated opinions on fad diets and all things in general, was unfortunately unavailable for comment.
